Driving into work the other day, I spotted a Jeep with the ubiquitous sticker declaring “It’s a Jeep Thing…You Wouldn’t Understand.” I haven’t seen one of these in awhile so it brought me back to questions I have previously pondered.

First and foremost, what is it that I do not understand? Is it that you are a douchebag? Because I get that. Loud and clear.

Perusing the information super-highway, I discovered a site to purchase said sticker. I figured this site would at least give me some information on what it is I need to understand. Except the description reads: “Yup, It’s a Jeep Thing, and most people don’t understand. But YOU do, so celebrate that knowledge.” Okay, not so helpful.

Maybe it’s just a really tricky PR stunt–buy a Jeep and you will suddenly be filled with knowledge on how to totally suck at life. (I hope that PR genius was fired. Actually, they probably have a new job–their the brain trusts behind the new Cubs slogan “It’s a “W”ay of Life.” Again, if sucking at life is a way of life then I’m all in…)

And why must these stickers cover the expanse of the dashboard? They’re never simple little bumper stickers–they are windshield stickers. As if your douchiness doesn’t blind you enough, you need to add a large decal to the mix?

Clearly, for some reason unbeknowest to me, Jeep drivers think they are the shit. To you and me, that means compensating for all the other areas in life which they fail.

If I ever obtain my dream of owning a wood-paneled station wagon, you bet your ass I’ll find myself a sticker declaring “It’s a wood-paneled station wagon from the 80′s thing…You Wouldn’t Understand.”

Things I Live For: Shish-kebobs

Quote of the Day: “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.” –Mark Twain

1) Our team name is Domination Station

2) We had t-shirts made (see picture. I am a hell of an artist when it comes to arranging clip-art…)

3) We’ve bowled with the best of them and held our own, read: Dragan and the 2nd place team (who we SWEPT, what what!)

4) $2 beers

5) Gary, the guy who runs the show on Monday’s and told me I couldn’t pick up a 7-10 split… LIES LIES LIES!

6) My teammates, obvi

7) The addition of gambling via a card game (kinda like the passing the cup game you play out at Wrigley)

8 ) A plethora of bright pink, 8lb. bowling balls to choose from

9) Complete and utter domination

10) Awesome tunes that encourage said domination

And one reason it is not awesome…

1) We start at 11PM… for this old lady, that is LATE.

Things I Live For: See above; a work commute that is less than an hour

Quote of the Day: “Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.” –John Jakes

I stayed out too late last night, this morning I’m an awful sight.

I can’t get out of bed, there’s suffering in my head.

I know what I need—to Walgreen’s I must proceed

for the delicious nectar that serves as my protector.

It cures my ailments from the previous nights derailments

and brings me back to life with the grace of a surgical knife.

It is purple, delicious, low calorie—affordable on any salary.

I will always long for Grape G2 when I’ve had one too many brew.

Fruit punch will make me lose my lunch

I hate lemon-lime and orange doesn’t rhyme.

Grape is the only solution — There will be no substitution.

Pet Peeve of the Day: Nutmeg

Quote of the Day: “You can’t sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock.  You’ve got to throw the ball over the damn plate and give the other man his chance.  That’s why baseball is the greatest game of them all.” –Earl Weaver

…if you want my respect.  (In honor of opening day at Wrigley today, woo hoo!!)

1) A knowledge of baseball 

2) Clever heckling lines (read: not “you suck”)

3) A willingness to boo the home team

4) A thirst for beer (read: not mai tais)

5) A hate for any unofficial mascot (read: Ronnie “Woo Woo” Wickers)

6) A couple quarters to use the payphone (read: because you will not need to be on your mobile during the game, standing up and waving at people across the field)

7) A jersey in which you commit to a team member (read: not blank, and not your last name)

8 ) An interest in baseball

9) Sticky hands (read: if you catch a ball in the bleachers you will not throw it back)

10) A pen (to keep score with)

And bonus points if you bring the day’s sports section!

Pet Peeve of the Day:My incessant need for socks because otherwise my feet become ice

Quote of the Day: “I don’t wanna end up in a room alone–don’t wanna end up someone I don’t even know.” –Tom Petty

Props to the President for staying true to his home team and busting out the White Sox hat… yet something in the interview with him reminded me of what Sox fans accuse us Cubs fans for relentlessly…

I guess Obama has been busy though, what with all the scheming he has been doing to make sure I pay for everyone’s health care…

Things I Live For: The Yard, my new bar

Quote of the Day: “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.” –Nursery rhyme