So, the most perfect food in the world is a grilled cheese. I could eat them every day. And with a side of mac and cheese. Carbs and cheese. YES PLEASE! But two restaurants seem to think the basic grilled cheese is not enough…

Denny’s (which I boycott because of their lies) has introduced the Fried Cheese Melt. A grilled cheese, with four mozz cheese sticks stuck in the middle. WTF. I can’t say I’m not intrigued and if I didn’t boycott Denny’s, I may indeed try that. However at 1200+ calories and 63 grams of fat, I’d have to fast for a few days before indulging…

Then there is the Friendly’s Grilled Cheese Burger Melt. Yup, you guessed it, a burger stuck between two grilled cheese sandwiches. Why would you ruin a grilled cheese with a meat patty, lettuce, and tomato? And that little delicacy is 1500 calories and 93 awesome grams of fat! Doesn’t sound too figure “FRIENDLY” to me… hi-oh!

So really people, why are you fucking with the grilled cheese. It’s like finger painting over the Mona Lisa or adding mayonnaise to a sandwich.

And people wonder why we’re fat and Europeans hate us…

Pet Peeve of the Day: See above

Quote of the Day: “America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.” –Oscar Wilde

This is sooooo funny I couldn’t wait until Random Shit Friday’s to  bring it to you guys. Watch the first video, and then the second. (And thanks to Em for brining this urgent matter to my attention!!)

Things I Live For: See above

Quote of the Day: “Life is partly what we make it, and partly what is made by the friends we choose.” –Tennessee Williams

So I was heading out of the city this past Saturday, a little later in the day, and as I drove down Lake Shore Drive I saw quite the sight on Lake Michigan. As I rounded the Oak Street curve, I saw about a hundred boats gathered in a small area on the lake about 20 feet from the shore. They looked as if they were going to be parked there for the remainder of the day.

Is this why people get a boat in Chicago? So they can take it a mile away from their slip to tread water in one spot all day? Why aren’t they cruisin’ the high seas, playing pirate and living the dream?

It seems a total waste of money, time, and resources. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure these boats have a great view of our city and fabulous skyline. But it’s like buying a Mercedes for the sole purpose of gathering with other Mercedes at a country club parking lot.

So I think my envy of the city sailor’s life is done with. I’m more than happy to be a landlubber with a couple extra bucks in my pocket and an ignorance to rust.

Pet Peeve of the Day: When people dot i’s with little circles

Quote of the Day: “Forgive you why, you hung me out to dry / Maybe I’m crazy but laughing out loud makes the pain pass by.” –Dave Matthews

Remember when microwave popcorn was the greatest invention ever? My how it has fallen from grace…

We can watch movies on a device as small as our hand, read books electronically, and become tan with the press of a button, yet we can’t make a fucking bag of microwave popcorn.

It seems that most microwaveable meals have figured out how long it takes to cook them. I’ve never had a problem with a Lean Cuisine providing me with the totally wrong length of cooking time. This includes using different microwaves, as we all know microwaves vary. But microwaveable popcorn? A range between 1 minute and 3 is not a range–it’s at best a guesstimate and likely a farce.

Awwww... Poor Debbie

Apparently, the worst office blunder in the world is burning the microwave popcorn. (If you ask me, it’s actually having unnecessarily long fake nails typing away all day, coupled with the odor of  overpowering disgusting old lady perfume-accented by the greasy food brought in during lunch. But that’s just me.)

In each office I have worked in, there have been strict rules with regards to microwave popcorn. My last office I worked in, it wasn’t even allowed. Of course, leaving the poor guy who sold his son’s boy scout microwaveable popcorn out in the cold…

Where I work now, there are instructions posted by the microwave stating that you CANNOT leave the microwave area as your popcorn is cooking.

So not only have the microwave popcorn people not figured out cooking times, but this product cannot be trusted in the hands of lawyers and important business people.

I don’t know about you, but that’s an indicator to me that microwave popcorn is some pretty powerful shit…

If I had to choose, I’d take burnt popcorn over greasy McDonald’s ANY DAY.

Pet Peeve of the Day: When people bring greasy McDonald’s into small spaces (read: cubicles, airplanes, CTA buses and trains)

Quote of the Day: “The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it is conformity.” –Rollo May

Over the past few weeks I have seen my fair share of profiles. I have tried my best to refrain from judgment, but I’m beginning to wonder why they are all the same…

1) EVERY guy is a “laid back, normal guy”

2) EVERY guy “works hard but plays harder”

3) EVERY guy likes to be active whether it be jumping from an airplane, climbing a mountain, or swimming with sharks

4) EVERY guy has a “good sense of humor”

5) EVERY guy “wants a dog but doesn’t have time for one so it’s not fair to the dog to get one”

6) EVERY guy is “open” and “honest”

7) EVERY guy is “new to this online dating thing” and “sick of the bar scene”

8 ) Despite their laid back-ness, EVERY guy is “driven, determined, and focused”

9) EVERY guy is “just looking to meet new people” (am I high or is that a given?)

10) And finally… it is becoming highly unlikely that I will find my match. Where are all the witty, smart, tall, hilarious, Chicago sports loving, shaggy-haired-but-not-in-a-hipster-way, good looking guys???

If girls rock their profiles this way too, it’s no wonder that I stick out as the weirdo no one wants to talk to…

Things I Live For: Witty, smart, tall, hilarious, Chicago sports loving, shaggy-haired-but-not-in-a-hipster-way, good looking guys

Quote of the Day: “You don’t know a woman until you have a letter from her.” –Ada Leverson