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Learn how you can win the lottery and what you can do with the money in just ten easy steps!

1.) Move to some rural town no one has ever  heard of

2.) Get a job at a factory

3.) Make friends with 8 other factory workers and go in on buying a lottery ticket together

4.) Buy a pair of sunglasses left over from the ’80’s or ’90’s

5.) Look up what a lawyer is cuz you heard you may need one if you win

6.) Overeat. Constantly.

7.) Win the lottery

8.) Hire the lawyer you saw handing out flyers at Wal-Mart

9.) Accept all calls from your long lost family members

10.) Watch your life become worse than it was to begin with because you have no idea how to manage money whether it’s $50 or $5 million. Congrats!

Pet Peeve of the Day: People who want to win the lottery

Quote of the Day: “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find that the harder I work, the more I have of it.” –Thomas Jefferson

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School Stressor

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So, school starts back up today and I couldn’t be more stressed out. It’s not because I’m starting work on my thesis, or that I am taking four classes. No, I am stressing about the 2 classes which take place in a classroom. And what about, you ask? WHERE AM I GOING TO SIT?

Deciding where to sit on the first day of class, as my fellow collegians know, is a make or break decision. This is the seat you will have to sit for the duration of the semester. Not because it’s assigned by the professor, but because it’s assigned by some mysterious social ghost who will haunt you if, god forbid, you decide midway through the semester you prefer a window seat.

The problem arises very early because A) you don’t know who is in the class and B) you don’t know where the instructor is going to sit. You certainly don’t want to sit next to the instructor, nor the kid who brings in McDonald’s everyday. Fuck.

Is arriving just before class begins a good option? Perhaps. But at that point all the choice seats my be taken. So arrive early. No no no! Then people will lurk toward you, or hover on the outskirts and the whole thing is just awkward.

I really dread being forced into a seat where I can’t keep a low profile. And, that becomes increasingly difficult when you are in grad school classes the size of bowling teams.

As you can see, the levels of stress involved in this situation are beyond comprehension. How did we get to this point as a society, where our seat choices determine how the next 14 weeks will go?

So, save me a seat or wish me luck!

Pet Peeve of the Day: See above

Quote of the Day: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” –Maya Angelou

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I’m Back!

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And part of being back, means that I have once again incited someone to the point of leaving a dumb comment on my blog! Yay! At this point we all know I love it when this blog writes itself, especially during the busy holiday season!

The most recent comment comes to us from “me (at) fake (dot) com.” Come on, grow a pair and show yourself! Anyway, in regards to my bumper sticker help post (I went with a wild card: “Obama Spent my Change”) Mr/Miss Fake says: “You should probably go ahead and delete this blog. It’s impossible to be awesome when you’re a gun-toting, uninformed, right wing douche bag.”

Yes, I should just delete the whole blog for one small pseudo-political post I made out of 300+. I question what in that post rang to Me at Fake as “uninformed.” I’m pretty sure I wasn’t taking a stance on or making any comments about any liberal or otherwise agendas. Rather, I believe the post was a comment on Obama and the fools that blindly support him because they don’t want to work or pay for anything. The ones that elected Obama because they believed he was going to hand them everything on a silver platter. And, this is not uninformed . . . tell me how many democrats that elected Obama made it back to the polls a month ago? That’s what I thought . . . those people, my friend, are the uninformed.

The cliche of gun-toting, uninformed, right wing douche bag is a little played out at this point. Please get a little more creative next time, and perhaps I won’t think you’re a super liberal whose computer access I am probably paying for.

Now let’s end this political drivel and get back to more important things . . .

Pet Peeve of the Day: Lack of creativity

Quote of the Day: “You can fool some people sometimes, but you can’t fool all the people all the time.” –Bob Marley

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So, we all remember when I took crossing guards to task. Now, it is finally time for traffic management’s day in the sun.

Does your city have traffic management people? Chicago does. Because apparently, as adults, we are not capable of crossing the streets by ourselves. This is what their jobs involve: waving cars through an intersection on a green light and stopping cars on a red light. Perhaps there are more colorblind people in the world then I thought? The lights are somehow not enough?

And, the other lights that aren’t enough? That little man sauntering across the street and his open orange palm counterpart. Because I don’t know what those mean either.

But I cannot blame the inanity of their position on them–these jobs were created for them by God knows who (although I’m looking at you Obama). No, the fact that their job exist is not their fault. The false sense of power they place on their position? TOTALLY their fault.

I never thought a shrieking whistle or shout would interrupt my innocent walk across a street. Especially when there is not a car in sight. But I must think myself pretty important since I deigned to cross a street on a red, regardless of the situation, regardless of the crickets chirping in the background. Whistle whistle shout shout. GET BACK. MA’AM. GET BACK. Whoa Whoa Whoa Broseph, I think I got this. Thanks. And I continue crossing the street. Because I can. What is this guy gonna do, write me a ticket? No! They don’t have the power to do that! But it’s so cute because they think they do! Awwww.

“Traffic management specialists” have got to be the lowest rung on the ladder of life. I will never listen to them. I refuse. Why would I respond to someone barking orders at me like I am a child when I am not even doing anything wrong? Who thought this was a good job to make another human being have? The amount of road and pedestrian rage these people are subject to must be a hell of a lot. I mean, I know I do my part in that equation.

So the next time you see a traffic management specialist at your intersection, look both ways, cross the street, and do your best to ignore the whistles and panicked shouts.

Pet Peeve of the Day: See Above

Quote of the Day: “I will show you fear in a handful of dust.” –T.S. Eliot

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Bumper Sticker Help

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President Obama’s appearance on the Daily Show (which I do not watch nor did I watch that episode except today on YouTube) last night roiled me to the point of finally pulling the trigger. I need to purchase my anti-Obama bumper sticker at last. I don’t need a joke of a president who goes on Comedy Central to appease his minions and try to maintain that rock start image he has thus far relied upon. Really, you have time in your schedule for THAT? The problem is, the joke is on us America. Now, there are SO many good bumper stickers out there. PLEASE, help me decide! Practice for 11/2 and VOTE below!

Option A:

Option B:

Option C:

Option D:

Option E (and my all time favorite, this was the OG of anti-Obama stickers):

All bumper stickers can be found at Cafe Press.

So which one is it gonna be??

Pet Peeve of the day: Getting denied healthcare. Thanks Obama. You nailed that one.

Quote of the Day: “Yes we can . . . BUT . . . it’s not going to happen overnight.” –President Barack Obama, 10/27/10

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