01.06.2010

I Got Owned…


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Hahaha this is good stuff.  This is a comment submitted to my “Reflecting on 2009” post that I thought worthy of sharing via post (as I marked it as spam in the comments section):

“Submitted on 2010/01/05 at 2:18am by chercol@gmail.com Chercol

As i’m Awesome and you’re NOT, i’ll take a minute to spread the awesomeness of me, and let you know why you’re totally awesomeless….

I began reading this article, looking for new ways to enhance my awesomeness (awesomeness has levels/degrees). A couple of seconds into the article (January) I realized how awesomeless (and stupid) the author is. He says: Turned 26 (sayonara quarter century!) but he hasn’t figuerd out that he actually finished the quarter century a year before at his 25th birthday… when one turnes 25, it means one has lived 25 years, i.e., you finished living your 25th year the day you turn 25 or commonly celebrate your 25th birthday (you moron)… so at your 26th birthday you had lived a quarter of a century + 1 year, and you’re actually beginning to live the 27th year of your life! Get it?… Well, that’s all… i’m leaving this site before it drains out all my awesomeness”

I feel honored that this person  took so much time at 2 in the morning to set me (a guy?) straight!  And the only thing I will add is, if you have to search the internet for ways to be awesome, god bless you.  It’s people like you, who take me literally, that make the world turn ’round!  Thanks mate, and Happy New Year to you!!

Pet Peeve of the Day: Text message abbreviations (lol, cuz, b/c, l8tr, etc…) used in real life, i.e. email

Quote of the Day: “I wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then.” –Bob Seger

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Dear Carbon Monoxide Detector,

You are so wise.  How exactly did you know to start beeping repeatedly for “service” on a morning I had just fallen asleep around 7AM?  Did you see me uncharacteristically awake at 4AM, laying on the couch flipping through infomercials about miracle male enhancements and ways to demand money from the government that is rightfully yours?  Were you laughing at me as I searched, like an addict, throughout my house for one last, possibly lost, melatonin?

I’m actually kind of flattered.  You know me so well, you wouldn’t dare beep on any of the other 364 nights when I get a solid night’s sleep.  And it was sweet of you to make noise at a moment that made it seem like the beeping was in my dream.  How nice, who wouldn’t love sound effects in their dreams?

But, you were relentless, and I awoke from the dream.  I pulled a chair under my smoke detector, climbed up and tried to detach it.  Bleary eyed, I grabbed at it continually, unable to pull it down.  I was confused as to why this was so difficult to do– I am much taller than the normal person and therefore closer to the ceiling when standing on a chair, yet I could not get the smoke detector to budge.  Angry and confused, I turned to look at you, and you winked at me with a slightly orange light through the service slit. 

Aha!  You are the bully on the playground who points the finger at the innocent party.  What did the smoke detector ever do to you?  So I pulled at you, but you were just as impossible to detach as your scapegoat.  When did these things become wired to the ceiling?  I thought you ran on batteries (which I guess, thankfully you don’t because I haven’t “changed” them in the 2+ years I’ve lived here…)  My fingers were raw as I pulled and pulled at the wire, and you continued to beep directly into my ear.  So pleasurable; it was akin to sweet nothings, I tell you. 

I got you down, and carefully examined you as I held you in my hand.  You continued to beep.  Fuck, are there batteries after all?  At this point I’m beside myself and wondering why I need a goddamn engineering degree to figure you out.  But I see your reset button, cleverly hidden, and I furiously press it.  You finally shut the fuck up.  I climb back up on the chair and affix you back to the ceiling, all the time wondering if you were actually trying to tell me that there is carbon monoxide present.  I am ready to go back to sleep, but it is now 10AM and that 20 minute ordeal has awoken me past the point of slumber. 

Thank you, Carbon Monoxide Detector, for keeping me on my toes.  You have shown your true colors as a needy, attention seeking machine, and these are qualities I cannot stand in a human, let alone a little plastic box.  Me and the smoke detector have had enough of your antics.  But unfortunately, if I want to live, you must remain in my life.  So thank you for that early morning lesson on acceptance, I assure you it is not lost on me, despite my sleepiness. 

Sincerely,

Your roommate who will probably get carbon monoxide poisoning

Things I Live For: Legal pads; my crazy doctor who says “cool beans” after practically every statement despite being 50ish

Quote of the Day: “The years rolled slowly past – I found myself alone – surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends.” –Bob Seger

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04.15.2009

Chicken Tetrazzini


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It seriously blows my mind how few people I know actually religiously watch the Soup (Friday’s on E! at 9:00PM).  Shit is fucking jokes!

I always thought it was Turkey Tetrazzini, but it turns out you can make it with chicken too: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/chicken-tetrazzini-recipe/index.html

And, according to Wikipedia, Tetrazzini can be made with anything… tuna (gross), chicken, turkey etc.  Mushrooms appear to be a highlight of the dish so I don’t think I’d be tempted to leave someone for this…  An awesome grilled cheese?  Well that’s another story…

Things I Live For (Look ma!  A new category of awesomeness!): Flyovers at sporting events, People who wink at me, Bringing (and reading) the sports section to Wrigley

Quote of the Day: “And after all the dead ends and the lessons learned – After all the stars have turned to stone – There’ll be peace across the great unbroken void – All benign, in your time – You’ll be fine, in your time” –Bob Seger

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