I’m the last person in the world to speak ill of sleeping but when it comes to napping, I can no longer bite my tongue. Since when did everyone start napping? And I don’t mean kids and the elderly, I mean my friends, my peers… people MY AGE.

I’ve never understood the nap. What’s so great about sleeping for 30 minutes? Because when I do it, I just wake up crabbier than when I went to sleep. If I fall asleep, it better be a duration of at least 8 hours, (preferably 12).

I get it that people get tired during the day. I do too. But since I’m an adult, I just power through. Because I don’t have time to take a nap, nor do I have a mother with a plate of cookies and milk waiting for me to wake up. You’re an adult, you can drink coffee, pour yourself a fuckin Red Bull and grow a pair.

Scientists and commies can sit here all day and tell me how valuable napping can be. But I’ll bet that a good nights sleep far outweighs the combo of no sleep plus a nap.

Why would I want to force myself to awaken from slumber twice in one day? Waking up once is enough for me–it’s certainly not the highlight of my day so I can’t imagine voluntarily deciding to repeat that procedure more than necessary.

And people that take naps on the WEEKENDS? It’s called SLEEPING IN; problem solved.

You’re probably thinking, I’m sure there’s some times you have slept during the day. And the answer to that would be yes, why of course I have. But these have not been naps. These instances have been the result of being sick: falling asleep due to cough medicine/Quaaludes/codeine/etc. or the result of day drinking: passing out. Not napping. Passing out. Those are the only two exceptions.

So if you call me during the day and I don’t answer, assume I’m either really sick or hammered drunk. Because otherwise I should be alert and ready during all daytime hours. Klinker on the other hand? Not so much. They’re called cat naps for a reason.

Things I Live For: The fall Free People catalog

Quote of the Day: “There’s only one solution: disconnect!” –Tom Foster

I need some answers. Why do people work in the suburbs and live in the city and vice versa? I have done a city to suburb commute for just TWO days and I already want to slit my wrists. You would have to pay me 500 million dollars to commute in this kind of traffic to work everyday. And it better be the best job known to man, like kitten babysitter or full time sleeper. 

I would only work in the suburbs and live in the city if I was DAMN sure there was some sort of commuter train I could take. Because after two days, the drive is already wearing thin.

You may be thinking, well hey, at least you can listen to music or do other fun things like smoke in your car  mid-commute. There are two problems. I no longer smoke (although by the end of this job assignment complete with commute God knows I may have started again…) and NO ONE PLAYS MUSIC. I’m sick of all my CD’s, so I try to listen to the radio. Well, there’s only so much sports radio I can listen to. I can only listen to how awesome the Blackhawks are, how much the Cubs and Sox suck, and how Lebron James is the greatest thing since sliced bread so many times. Find something new to talk about. Like why people choose to commute.

And FM radio? Yeah, I’m thinking, well of course they’re gonna pump out the hits because rush hour is their bread and butter. But no. I have to listen to FM DJ’s talk. I thought they were paid to play music. The last thing I want to hear about is the many places you enjoy having sex. You are a radio DJ, therefore ugly, and I do not need to picture you having sex. Please do your job and play me some goddamn Miley Cyrus.

So what am I going to do to pass the time? My GPS lady only has so much to say. And I think it’s kind of sad that the highlight of my drive is when she tells me to “take the motorway.” (I mean really, “motorway?” That’s fuckin legendary). So if you have a hidden Chicago radio station that plays music or discusses interesting topics such as The Real Housewives of New Jersey, please let me know.

Pet Peeve of the Day: See above

Quote of the Day: “It ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive.” –Bruce Springsteen

If you’re in Chicago, you should come to The Coffee Studio tonight at 7PM for the RU MFA Student End of the Semester Reading. Yours truly will be reading for the first time ever (eeeep!) and you certainly don’t want to miss out on that! I’ll even give you a preview–here is my limerick, which I will be reading (by request):

Unnamed

There once was a girl named Esley,

Everyone thought she was messly.

But that wasn’t true

she just didn’t have a clue

why people kept calling her Leslie!

*     *     *

Oh Emmm Geee, this is like a million Klinkers!

Things I Live For: 5 o’clock shadows

Quote of the Day:“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” –Unknown (at least to me and the internet)

After taking my Christmas tree down, I didn’t want to put the lamp I had in its spot back.  So that left me with a rather large empty space in the corner of my living room.  I decided a plant stand for one of my plants would be the perfect solution, except all the stands at Target were too expensive.  I mean honestly, it’s a freakin slab of wood with legs, nothing special.  The cheapest option was like $40+, not in my budget at the moment.  So I went to the Village and scored this perfect, basic plant stand for $8:

The color was too light to match with my other dark brown furniture so I had to paint it.  I wanted to spray paint it, but alas they don’t sell spray paint in the city and I didn’t feel like trekking out to the suburbs.  So I painted on a white base coat that I had on hand:

And then covered that with a dark brown paint (it’s not this shiny, must have been the flash):

And here it is in my living room.  For what it is (basic) and what it cost me ($10 after paint, etc.) I am quite pleased with it:

 I am submitting this project to Do It Yourself Day over at A Soft Place to Land.  It’s an awesome craft blog I suggest you check out!!

Pet Peeve of the Day: Pizza cut “New York” style

Quote of the Day: “I’d rather learn from one bird how to sing than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance.” –e.e. cummings

Lost animal posters are possibly one of the saddest things you can come across. But it looks like some people have turned the sad sign into advertisements for their pets– awesome!

Pet Peeve of the Day: People who talk to bus drivers from the street

Quote of the Day: “Give it all and ask for no return and very soon you’ll see and begin to learn that it’s alright, yes it’s alright.” –Guns N’ Roses