90’s Knowledge

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We could sit here all day and discuss how awesome movies from the 90’s were. Instead, I have chosen to spit some knowledge at you, 90’s movie style:

“Give up hope–Dreams are for suckers.” —Don’t Be a Menace

“Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.” —Clueless

`“Whoa whoa whoa, Miss Lippy. The part of the story I don’t like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn’t put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy’s gotta think ‘You got a pet. You got a responsibility.’ If your dog gets lost you don’t look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog.” —Billy Madison

“Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it.” —Billy Madison

“Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.” —Empire Records

“You got to be a stupid motherfucker to get fired on your day off.” —Friday

“Why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting… Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box ’cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside…Why shouldn’t it? Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted?…The point is, how do you know the fairy isn’t a crazy glue sniffer? “Building model airplanes” says the little fairy; well, we’re not buying it. He sneaks into your house once, that’s all it takes. The next thing you know, there’s money missing off the dresser, and your daughter’s knocked up. I seen it a hundred times.” —Tommy Boy

“What, if any, is the difference between a ho and a bitch?” “A ho fucks anybody...a bitch fucks everybody but you.” –Fear of a Black Hat

“It’s a small world when you’ve got unbelievable tits Roy.” –Kingpin

Who would have thought these movies were filled with such powerful life lessons?!

Pet Peeve of the Day: People who think the red/green lights at on-ramps are the word of God

Quote of the Day: See above

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By now we all know I am not down with movies.  I don’t watch them, I haven’t seen them, and I can only quote Tommy Boy or Will Ferrell movies.  But as a loyal Oscars watcher (for the fashion, duh) I am usually forced to learn a little about what movies have been popular in the last year.  Not that I like to follow the popular opinion, but asking if people know what cow-tipping is at cocktail parties kind of limits my scope of conversation.

So I found out about this movie Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire.  It seemed like a story I would like: moving, adolescent struggles, courage, blah blah.  And so I found it on OnDemand and watched it.  Except it turns out I already saw this movie.  In 1995.  When it was called “Dangerous Minds.”

A well-meaning teacher relates to the struggles of inner-city kids and helps them flourish.  Sorry Sapphire, but this has been done before.  And done better ala Michelle Pfeiffer. 

I get that weaving in incest is meant to make Precious more compelling, but really it didn’t.  And did anyone else have trouble understanding what the fuck Precious was saying?  I felt like an 80 year old woman living next to a highway my volume was up so high.  And I still missed half the dialogue.  Not that it effected my understanding of the story.

I will say that Monique was pretty awesome and while I didn’t see any of the other movies in her Oscar category, I feel the correct choice was made.  Gabourey Sidibe as best actress?  A think even a nomination for her was a little far fetched. 

So the next time I want a heartwarming story, I’ll watch Dangerous Minds.  Because honestly, incest cannot hold a candle to a Dylan-Dylan contest.

Things I Live For: Movies made in the mid-90’s; ketchup popsicles

Quote of the Day: “I will not go down under the ground ‘Cause somebody tells me that death’s coming ’round – And I will not carry myself down to die – When I go to my grave, my head will be high.” –Bob Dylan

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