04.19.2010

An Ode to Grape G2


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I stayed out too late last night, this morning I’m an awful sight.

I can’t get out of bed, there’s suffering in my head.

I know what I need—to Walgreen’s I must proceed

for the delicious nectar that serves as my protector.

It cures my ailments from the previous nights derailments

and brings me back to life with the grace of a surgical knife.

It is purple, delicious, low calorie—affordable on any salary.

I will always long for Grape G2 when I’ve had one too many brew.

Fruit punch will make me lose my lunch

I hate lemon-lime and orange doesn’t rhyme.

Grape is the only solution — There will be no substitution.

Pet Peeve of the Day: Nutmeg

Quote of the Day: “You can’t sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock.  You’ve got to throw the ball over the damn plate and give the other man his chance.  That’s why baseball is the greatest game of them all.” –Earl Weaver

Thoughts?
  • Spot on (2)
  • Legendary (0)
  • Awesome (3)
  • I can dig it (4)
  • WTF (0)

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…if you want my respect.  (In honor of opening day at Wrigley today, woo hoo!!)

1) A knowledge of baseball 

2) Clever heckling lines (read: not “you suck”)

3) A willingness to boo the home team

4) A thirst for beer (read: not mai tais)

5) A hate for any unofficial mascot (read: Ronnie “Woo Woo” Wickers)

6) A couple quarters to use the payphone (read: because you will not need to be on your mobile during the game, standing up and waving at people across the field)

7) A jersey in which you commit to a team member (read: not blank, and not your last name)

8 ) An interest in baseball

9) Sticky hands (read: if you catch a ball in the bleachers you will not throw it back)

10) A pen (to keep score with)

And bonus points if you bring the day’s sports section! 🙂

Pet Peeve of the Day:My incessant need for socks because otherwise my feet become ice

Quote of the Day: “I don’t wanna end up in a room alone–don’t wanna end up someone I don’t even know.” –Tom Petty

Thoughts?
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  • I can dig it (1)
  • WTF (8)

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Props to the President for staying true to his home team and busting out the White Sox hat… yet something in the interview with him reminded me of what Sox fans accuse us Cubs fans for relentlessly…

I guess Obama has been busy though, what with all the scheming he has been doing to make sure I pay for everyone’s health care…

Things I Live For: The Yard, my new bar

Quote of the Day: “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.” –Nursery rhyme

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Baseball starts on Monday!!  I can hardly wait to dip myself into magic waters at Wrigley Field again this season!  Thank you for baseball America, it’s exactly what I need right now…to be reminded “of all that once was good and could be again…”

 

Pet Peeve of the Day: People who don’t like baseball

Quote of the Day: “I think there are only three things America will be known for 2,000 years from now when they study this civilization: the Constitution, jazz music, and baseball.” –Gerald Early

Thoughts?
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  • I can dig it (6)
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Milton Bradley, you are so god-damned dumb.  Shut your mouth already.  If you don’t, I fear parts of the Pacific Northwest will fall into the ocean quicker because of you bringing that giant chip on your shoulder to Seattle. 

Batting .257 with 12 homers and 40 RBI’s for the Cubs certainly had nothing to do with the hard times you endured in Chicago right?  It’s just because we’re all a bunch of racists.  AND, it’s the first time you’ve ever come up against such controversy.  Well Milton, I’m calling your bluff for the millionth, AND LAST time (the rest is up to you Seattle, bless your hearts):

 

Skip to 2:50 for some more “I’m a fucking victim” statements.  (Hmmmm… I think I know someone he actually would get along with): 

 

Wow, EVERYONE lies EXCEPT Milton Bradley.  Madness!

Pet Peeve of the Day: People who don’t take responsibility for themselves

Quote of the Day: “Any idiot can face a crisis.  It’s day-to-day living that wears you out.” –Anton Chekov

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