I need some answers. Why do people work in the suburbs and live in the city and vice versa? I have done a city to suburb commute for just TWO days and I already want to slit my wrists. You would have to pay me 500 million dollars to commute in this kind of traffic to work everyday. And it better be the best job known to man, like kitten babysitter or full time sleeper. 

I would only work in the suburbs and live in the city if I was DAMN sure there was some sort of commuter train I could take. Because after two days, the drive is already wearing thin.

You may be thinking, well hey, at least you can listen to music or do other fun things like smoke in your car  mid-commute. There are two problems. I no longer smoke (although by the end of this job assignment complete with commute God knows I may have started again…) and NO ONE PLAYS MUSIC. I’m sick of all my CD’s, so I try to listen to the radio. Well, there’s only so much sports radio I can listen to. I can only listen to how awesome the Blackhawks are, how much the Cubs and Sox suck, and how Lebron James is the greatest thing since sliced bread so many times. Find something new to talk about. Like why people choose to commute.

And FM radio? Yeah, I’m thinking, well of course they’re gonna pump out the hits because rush hour is their bread and butter. But no. I have to listen to FM DJ’s talk. I thought they were paid to play music. The last thing I want to hear about is the many places you enjoy having sex. You are a radio DJ, therefore ugly, and I do not need to picture you having sex. Please do your job and play me some goddamn Miley Cyrus.

So what am I going to do to pass the time? My GPS lady only has so much to say. And I think it’s kind of sad that the highlight of my drive is when she tells me to “take the motorway.” (I mean really, “motorway?” That’s fuckin legendary). So if you have a hidden Chicago radio station that plays music or discusses interesting topics such as The Real Housewives of New Jersey, please let me know.

Pet Peeve of the Day: See above

Quote of the Day: “It ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive.” –Bruce Springsteen

Two awesome things happened this past weekend. First, I got my first essay ever published. In the Chicago Sun-Times. Fuckin sweet.

And second, my new hero Spencer Pratt had two hilarious clips featured on The Soup:

Simply amazing. I think I may have to start watching The Hills. Is there anyway to just watch the Spencer parts?

Pet Peeve of the Day: People who do not love the endless entertainment that Speidi provide

Quote of the Day: ”Facts are meaningless – you could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!” –Homer Simpson

Do you remember the Box music video channel?  It was fucking awesome and I know me and my brother requested our fair share of videos on it.  For those of you youngins or unhip, it was a music video station that “you controlled.”  You could call in (unbeknownst to your parents) and for $1.99 or something request a music video.  And they had EVERY music video known to man.  In fact, it was pretty gangsta.  I definitely recall requesting D.R.S.’s Gangsta Lean(which is on my iPod and should be on yours too…)

This is kind of a shitty video and is apparently from the UK but you still get the gist and memories:

Here’s a video not only showing how awesome the Box was, but how awesome 1993 was.  (It loads a little slow but have patience, it’s worth it!)  Why are there no more music videos in the world??

According to Wikipedia, the Box was bought by those fuckers at MTV in 1999 and became MTV2.  I guess MTV decided they didn’t want anyone showing music videos. 

Pet Peeve of the Day: The demise of music videos

Quote of the Day: “Baseball is dull only to dull minds.” –Red Barber

I stayed out too late last night, this morning I’m an awful sight.

I can’t get out of bed, there’s suffering in my head.

I know what I need—to Walgreen’s I must proceed

for the delicious nectar that serves as my protector.

It cures my ailments from the previous nights derailments

and brings me back to life with the grace of a surgical knife.

It is purple, delicious, low calorie—affordable on any salary.

I will always long for Grape G2 when I’ve had one too many brew.

Fruit punch will make me lose my lunch

I hate lemon-lime and orange doesn’t rhyme.

Grape is the only solution — There will be no substitution.

Pet Peeve of the Day: Nutmeg

Quote of the Day: “You can’t sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock.  You’ve got to throw the ball over the damn plate and give the other man his chance.  That’s why baseball is the greatest game of them all.” –Earl Weaver

…if you want my respect.  (In honor of opening day at Wrigley today, woo hoo!!)

1) A knowledge of baseball 

2) Clever heckling lines (read: not “you suck”)

3) A willingness to boo the home team

4) A thirst for beer (read: not mai tais)

5) A hate for any unofficial mascot (read: Ronnie “Woo Woo” Wickers)

6) A couple quarters to use the payphone (read: because you will not need to be on your mobile during the game, standing up and waving at people across the field)

7) A jersey in which you commit to a team member (read: not blank, and not your last name)

8 ) An interest in baseball

9) Sticky hands (read: if you catch a ball in the bleachers you will not throw it back)

10) A pen (to keep score with)

And bonus points if you bring the day’s sports section!

Pet Peeve of the Day:My incessant need for socks because otherwise my feet become ice

Quote of the Day: “I don’t wanna end up in a room alone–don’t wanna end up someone I don’t even know.” –Tom Petty