So, we all remember when I took crossing guards to task. Now, it is finally time for traffic management’s day in the sun.

Does your city have traffic management people? Chicago does. Because apparently, as adults, we are not capable of crossing the streets by ourselves. This is what their jobs involve: waving cars through an intersection on a green light and stopping cars on a red light. Perhaps there are more colorblind people in the world then I thought? The lights are somehow not enough?

And, the other lights that aren’t enough? That little man sauntering across the street and his open orange palm counterpart. Because I don’t know what those mean either.

But I cannot blame the inanity of their position on them–these jobs were created for them by God knows who (although I’m looking at you Obama). No, the fact that their job exist is not their fault. The false sense of power they place on their position? TOTALLY their fault.

I never thought a shrieking whistle or shout would interrupt my innocent walk across a street. Especially when there is not a car in sight. But I must think myself pretty important since I deigned to cross a street on a red, regardless of the situation, regardless of the crickets chirping in the background. Whistle whistle shout shout. GET BACK. MA’AM. GET BACK. Whoa Whoa Whoa Broseph, I think I got this. Thanks. And I continue crossing the street. Because I can. What is this guy gonna do, write me a ticket? No! They don’t have the power to do that! But it’s so cute because they think they do! Awwww.

“Traffic management specialists” have got to be the lowest rung on the ladder of life. I will never listen to them. I refuse. Why would I respond to someone barking orders at me like I am a child when I am not even doing anything wrong? Who thought this was a good job to make another human being have? The amount of road and pedestrian rage these people are subject to must be a hell of a lot. I mean, I know I do my part in that equation.

So the next time you see a traffic management specialist at your intersection, look both ways, cross the street, and do your best to ignore the whistles and panicked shouts.

Pet Peeve of the Day: See Above

Quote of the Day: “I will show you fear in a handful of dust.” –T.S. Eliot

I have been meaning to share this since summer . . . can you tell I’ve been crazy busy? So finally here it is, my sunburst driftwood mirror. It’s easy to make:

• After a day of drinking on the beach in Michigan, take a walk just after sunset to collect driftwood
• Break driftwood pieces into roughly the same size (you don’t want them all the same size; you want an organic look. Or maybe not, if you’re a control freak. You decide!)
• Buy cheap mirror at Home Depot after you realize Wal-Mart does not stock them
• Rig up the back of the mirror with a hanging device if it does not have one already (I did this AFTER and it was difficult)
• Glue pieces of driftwood around the mirror in a way that pleases you (I used Gorilla Glue, I do not recommend this as it bubbles up and leaves a thick residue that shows. I touched up spots with hot glue so that may be the route to go. The twists and turns of the wood are the only things that make this project a tad difficult).
• Use weighted objects to hold the wood down until the glue dries
• Hang mirror at home, reminding yourself of the beach and all of its awesomeness

Supplies at the ready:

Waiting for glue to dry:

Hanging up:

Things I Live For: Driftwood from the shores of Southwest Michigan

Quote of the Day: “I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.” –Jack Kerouac

President Obama’s appearance on the Daily Show (which I do not watch nor did I watch that episode except today on YouTube) last night roiled me to the point of finally pulling the trigger. I need to purchase my anti-Obama bumper sticker at last. I don’t need a joke of a president who goes on Comedy Central to appease his minions and try to maintain that rock start image he has thus far relied upon. Really, you have time in your schedule for THAT? The problem is, the joke is on us America. Now, there are SO many good bumper stickers out there. PLEASE, help me decide! Practice for 11/2 and VOTE below!

Option A:

Option B:

Option C:

Option D:

Option E (and my all time favorite, this was the OG of anti-Obama stickers):

All bumper stickers can be found at Cafe Press.

So which one is it gonna be??

Pet Peeve of the day: Getting denied healthcare. Thanks Obama. You nailed that one.

Quote of the Day: “Yes we can . . . BUT . . . it’s not going to happen overnight.” –President Barack Obama, 10/27/10

I give you my new fall jam, which was actually given to ME by the wondrous app that is SHAZAM. You just hold up your phone to a song that is playing and it tells you what it is. No more hearing this song on the radio constantly and not knowing what it is! Sweet! (And you will also note the amount of non-hipster facial hair of the majority of the band members–SWEETER!)

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And who DOESN’T want to watch a cat play Duck Hunt?

Things I Live For: Starbucks  instant coffee

Quote of the Day: ”Ain’t it just like the night to play tricks when you’re trying to be so quiet– we sit here stranded though we all do our best to deny it.” –Bob Dylan

Oh yes, I take requests. A friend of mine suggested vanity plates for a blog topic and there is nothing I like more than responding to requests.

What is it about the vanity plate? According to my Jersey-born, Philly identifying cousin, vanity plates do not exist on the east coast, or at least to the extent which we see them here in the midwest, specifically Illinois and Wisconsin. They enrage him as they do my friend who says that “people should be embarrased.” Except, I had to point out to her: anyone who has a vanity plate thinks WAY too highly of themselves to  be embarrased!

So I thought, why ARE vanity plates so popular here? A quick Google search of vanity plates immediately suggested that I must have meant “vanity plates Illinois.” Which brings me to the website of the Secretary of State who is ENCOURAGING THIS. There is an interactive tool where you can type out what you want on your plate and immediately see if it is available. (If you are bored at work this is actually quite entertaining…) Unfortunately “Awesome” is taken, shocker I know. So it looks like Illinois has their Secretary of State to blame, Mr. Jesse White. But I wasn’t fond of him to begin with as he allowed my grandmother to drive wayyyyyy past her prime.

People with vanity plates think they are beyond clever. Usually they point to the person’s profession, for example a doctor would have “I Heal,” and an accountant “Add it Up” or something dumb like that. BFD. No one cares. The only thing I care about you at that moment on the road is that you not drive like a fucking idiot. But that is ALWAYS too much to ask from a vanity plate possessor.

I must admit that growing up, my parents had a vanity plate. It was “Rock C;” they were obsessed with Roxy Music. I don’t know if it’s because I love Roxy Music too, or that I love my parents, but I must admit that plate was awesome.

The worst plates however are those that declare “I’m Sexy” or “2 Hott.” Really? You think I’m NOT gonna cut you off with an attitude like that? I mean really people—vanity plates just encourage and add to road rage. I have no idea why the secretary of state would promote these (aside from the obvious, being money).

If people spent as much time on themselves as they do thinking of a vanity plate, then humanity as a whole may just improve. Until then, we’ll be driving amongst some of the most self-involved people in the world–not exactly the type you want behind a wheel.

What’s the worst vanity plate you have ever seen?

Dedicated to: Lena

Quote of the Day: “I wasn’t born with a plastic spoon in my mouth.” –Eric Cartman