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I’m the last person in the world to speak ill of sleeping but when it comes to napping, I can no longer bite my tongue. Since when did everyone start napping? And I don’t mean kids and the elderly, I mean my friends, my peers… people MY AGE.

I’ve never understood the nap. What’s so great about sleeping for 30 minutes? Because when I do it, I just wake up crabbier than when I went to sleep. If I fall asleep, it better be a duration of at least 8 hours, (preferably 12).

I get it that people get tired during the day. I do too. But since I’m an adult, I just power through. Because I don’t have time to take a nap, nor do I have a mother with a plate of cookies and milk waiting for me to wake up. You’re an adult, you can drink coffee, pour yourself a fuckin Red Bull and grow a pair.

Scientists and commies can sit here all day and tell me how valuable napping can be. But I’ll bet that a good nights sleep far outweighs the combo of no sleep plus a nap.

Why would I want to force myself to awaken from slumber twice in one day? Waking up once is enough for me–it’s certainly not the highlight of my day so I can’t imagine voluntarily deciding to repeat that procedure more than necessary.

And people that take naps on the WEEKENDS? It’s called SLEEPING IN; problem solved.

You’re probably thinking, I’m sure there’s some times you have slept during the day. And the answer to that would be yes, why of course I have. But these have not been naps. These instances have been the result of being sick: falling asleep due to cough medicine/Quaaludes/codeine/etc. or the result of day drinking: passing out. Not napping. Passing out. Those are the only two exceptions.

So if you call me during the day and I don’t answer, assume I’m either really sick or hammered drunk. Because otherwise I should be alert and ready during all daytime hours. Klinker on the other hand? Not so much. They’re called cat naps for a reason.

Things I Live For: The fall Free People catalog

Quote of the Day: “There’s only one solution: disconnect!” –Tom Foster

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