Some Sketchy-Ass Bunnies (thank you Gordo for introducing me to this site):

For more sketchiness, visit SketchyBunnies.

Things I Live For: When people (read: little boys disguised as men) are shocked that I actually kept my word. It’s what us adults do, what can more can I say?

Quote of the Day: “I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one.” –Jay-Z

I need some answers. Why do people work in the suburbs and live in the city and vice versa? I have done a city to suburb commute for just TWO days and I already want to slit my wrists. You would have to pay me 500 million dollars to commute in this kind of traffic to work everyday. And it better be the best job known to man, like kitten babysitter or full time sleeper. 

I would only work in the suburbs and live in the city if I was DAMN sure there was some sort of commuter train I could take. Because after two days, the drive is already wearing thin.

You may be thinking, well hey, at least you can listen to music or do other fun things like smoke in your car  mid-commute. There are two problems. I no longer smoke (although by the end of this job assignment complete with commute God knows I may have started again…) and NO ONE PLAYS MUSIC. I’m sick of all my CD’s, so I try to listen to the radio. Well, there’s only so much sports radio I can listen to. I can only listen to how awesome the Blackhawks are, how much the Cubs and Sox suck, and how Lebron James is the greatest thing since sliced bread so many times. Find something new to talk about. Like why people choose to commute.

And FM radio? Yeah, I’m thinking, well of course they’re gonna pump out the hits because rush hour is their bread and butter. But no. I have to listen to FM DJ’s talk. I thought they were paid to play music. The last thing I want to hear about is the many places you enjoy having sex. You are a radio DJ, therefore ugly, and I do not need to picture you having sex. Please do your job and play me some goddamn Miley Cyrus.

So what am I going to do to pass the time? My GPS lady only has so much to say. And I think it’s kind of sad that the highlight of my drive is when she tells me to “take the motorway.” (I mean really, “motorway?” That’s fuckin legendary). So if you have a hidden Chicago radio station that plays music or discusses interesting topics such as The Real Housewives of New Jersey, please let me know.

Pet Peeve of the Day: See above

Quote of the Day: “It ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive.” –Bruce Springsteen

When did old people join Facebook? Why are some of my friend’s parents requesting to be my friend? It’s not like I’m 12 years old and need to be monitored by adult figures, so I know my parents aren’t putting these adults up to it. So who is?

Why would you want to be my friend? To chastise me for corrupting your child? To ask me if that really was my bowl you found on your kitchen counter 10 years ago? To offer me a job? To catch up? None of these are valid reasons. Further, if you would like to do any of this, I have a telephone, which would seem much more appropriate for mature adults like ourselves.

So still I ask, why are these adults on Facebook? And don’t tell me networking. I highly doubt a late 60 year old man needs to network with my late 20 year old ass. And I don’t need to network with him because he will be retiring soon and therefore useless to me. Additionally, younger, cheaper workers are taking his job anyway.

Is it because you are now a grandmother and want to post pictures of some snot-nosed brats I don’t even know? Or are you getting back at classmates by posting pictures of your now curiously fabulous 50 year old self? Are you spying on your competition, worried us youngin’s will take your jobs? Because I’m pretty sure most of us, (what with our proud, public beer pong pics), are certainly not a threat to you, an established executive working your way up the ladder.

My mom doesn’t even know how to copy and paste, so it thoroughly confuses me how these adults can navigate through all our meaningless wall posts. And why do they want to do that? Why do they care that I’m going to see Sex and The City 2 tomorrow night? Are they grasping for their last bit of youth? Are they trying to stay hip?

Here’s how you can stay hip: Stay off Facebook. Because believe me, reconnecting with randos from grade school isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. And if you’ve made it this far in your life without reconnecting with them, I truly envy you. And THAT my friends, the ability to move on and forward with your life, is what makes you cool.

Pet Peeve of the Day: See above

Quote of the Day: “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” –Dr. Seuss