Is that a dog in front of me waiting to board? Is that a dog I hear yipping as we await take-off? Is that a dog I smell inside the cabin?

Turns out it is. When did this happen? Why isn’t this dog stowed safely below the plane with all the luggage? When did dogs acquire the ability to purchase airline tickets? As far as I know they still don’t have opposable thumbs.

Yet here I am sitting one row away from this mongrel. What if I am allergic to dogs? What if the recycled air pumping through the cabin with human germs is all I can take? I definitely don’t want to inhale whatever germs this dog carries. My main reason for hating dogs is how easily they bring filth from outside, inside, and their owners seem to have no problem with it. Well I do, and now, this filth is in my pressurized cabin for at least 3 hours.

What if he has fleas? They could easily jump into the fur of some kid’s nearby stuffed animal. What if he can’t (and he probably can’t since I can’t) hold his bladder (or worse) for over 3 hours?

But just as poorly behaved children are only the fault of their parents, I cannot blame the poor dog for this. But don’t get me started on his owner, Miss I-am-Wearing a-Northern-Ohio-University (really? is that even braggable?) Law-Hat. “Isn’t my dog cute, isn’t it fun that I’m treating him inhumanely by making him fly?!” I’m sure she’s as good a lawyer as she is a pet owner…

So American Airlines, until you clearly notify me that there is a possibility of man’s best friend (not) flying the friendly skies with me, I’m gonna have to go see if Ted is still in business.

Sincerely,

Esley “Give me my frequent flier miles now” S.

P.S. You got lucky that the Ecuadorian footy team was on my flight–the eye candy certainly eased my pain. Gracias Ecuador!

Pet Peeve of the Day: See above

Quote of the Day: “Who hears music, feels his solitude peopled at once.” –Robert Browning