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Is that a dog in front of me waiting to board? Is that a dog I hear yipping as we await take-off? Is that a dog I smell inside the cabin?

Turns out it is. When did this happen? Why isn’t this dog stowed safely below the plane with all the luggage? When did dogs acquire the ability to purchase airline tickets? As far as I know they still don’t have opposable thumbs.

Yet here I am sitting one row away from this mongrel. What if I am allergic to dogs? What if the recycled air pumping through the cabin with human germs is all I can take? I definitely don’t want to inhale whatever germs this dog carries. My main reason for hating dogs is how easily they bring filth from outside, inside, and their owners seem to have no problem with it. Well I do, and now, this filth is in my pressurized cabin for at least 3 hours.

What if he has fleas? They could easily jump into the fur of some kid’s nearby stuffed animal. What if he can’t (and he probably can’t since I can’t) hold his bladder (or worse) for over 3 hours?

But just as poorly behaved children are only the fault of their parents, I cannot blame the poor dog for this. But don’t get me started on his owner, Miss I-am-Wearing a-Northern-Ohio-University (really? is that even braggable?) Law-Hat. “Isn’t my dog cute, isn’t it fun that I’m treating him inhumanely by making him fly?!” I’m sure she’s as good a lawyer as she is a pet owner…

So American Airlines, until you clearly notify me that there is a possibility of man’s best friend (not) flying the friendly skies with me, I’m gonna have to go see if Ted is still in business.

Sincerely,

“Give me my frequent flier miles now”

P.S. You got lucky that the Ecuadorian footy team was on my flight–the eye candy certainly eased my pain. Gracias Ecuador!

Pet Peeve of the Day: See above

Quote of the Day: “Who hears music, feels his solitude peopled at once.” –Robert Browning

Thoughts?
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05.24.2010

Lady Gaga


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Lady Gaga is fucking legendary.  I absolutely love her, and it is a love that borders on obsession.  It’s not so much an obsession with her theatrics and costumes as much as it is her fucking  music.  It’s the greatest.  And I know I’m not alone in believing her to be truly awesome– since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, check out these videos:

This one is hilarious, by some talented dudes (keep watching til at least 2:45, but really you won’t regret watching it all):

This isn’t better than Cartman’s, but it’s close!

And, because it never gets old:

Pet Peeve of the Day: People who don’t appreciate the value of pop music

Quote of the Day: “When you make music or write or create, it’s really your job to have mind-blowing, irresponsible, condomless sex with whatever idea it is you’re writing about at the time.” –Lady Gaga

Thoughts?
  • Spot on (3)
  • Legendary (1)
  • Awesome (5)
  • I can dig it (0)
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***Disclaimer: Because I have been super busy (and, oddly enough, super lazy) lately, I will be bringing you some classic posts in the coming days.  I hope you enjoy them as much as you have previously, and if it’s your first time reading them, all the better!***

(Originally posted on 4/24/09. And it NEVER gets old!) 

In honor of the D-bags sitting in front of God-sista and I at the Cubs game yesterday:

Pet Peeve of the Day: People who complain about the CTA, especially if they moved here from small midwest towns

Quote of the Day: “With the help of God and two friends, I’ve come to realize – I still have two strong legs, and even wings to fly” –Allman Brothers Band

Thoughts?
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  • I can dig it (0)
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***Disclaimer: Because I have been super busy (and, oddly enough, super lazy) lately, I will be bringing you some classic posts in the coming days.  I hope you enjoy them as much as you have previously, and if it’s your first time reading them, all the better!***

(Originally posted 4/17/09)

An homage to my favorite word (sorry mom):

* * *

The other day on Biography Channel I saw a show on H.H. Holmes. I did not know anything about him — he was supposedly America’s first serial killer and was alive and kicking during the 1893 World’s Fair. Most of his murders were committed in a special hotel he had made specifically for the occasion of the World’s Fair, which was later dubbed “Murder Castle.” I am wondering now how I have never read Devil in the White City considering my love of all things Chicago and crime related. The book details how Daniel Burnham, the architect who was in charge of planning for the World’s Fair, inadvertently created a perfect setting for Holmes to lure his victims. I have heard of this book but did not know what it was about until now. Has anyone read it? Thoughts??

* * *

By popular demand (I couldn’t find The Soup version but this clip can stand on it own anyway):

Things I Live For: Chugging Fresca/Nestea/Gatorade, The sticker man at Phish shows, Being lured into Spanish nightclubs

Quote of the Day: “I keep my friends eternally – We leave our tracks in the sound – Some of them are with me now – Some of them can’t be found” –Neil Young

Thoughts?
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05.10.2010

Good Weekend


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Two awesome things happened this past weekend. First, I got my first essay ever published. In the Chicago Sun-Times. Fuckin sweet.

And second, my new hero Spencer Pratt had two hilarious clips featured on The Soup:

Simply amazing. I think I may have to start watching The Hills. Is there anyway to just watch the Spencer parts?

Pet Peeve of the Day: People who do not love the endless entertainment that Speidi provide

Quote of the Day: “Facts are meaningless – you could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!” –Homer Simpson

Thoughts?
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