I just want to give a BIG shout-out to my girl over at Bargain Briana because I’m so excited about what I have learned!  I used to absolutely hate CVS because I never got over the whole Osco becoming CVS thing.  But she has taught me the money-saving (and sometimes money-earning) ways of CVS.  Whether you have a job or not, saving money is truly awesome.  Thanks to her site, I got 3 boxes of cereal, 2 Colgate toothpastes, 3 Clean & Clear products, 4 Febreeze products, and 2 CoverGirl products at CVS for $24!  With a little time and know how, you can do the same!  A tutorial is here.

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Biggie and I met an awesome Vietnam Vet at Summerfest named Cas.  He was obsessed with this song… Legendary.

Pet Peeve of the Day: The smell of paint

Quote of the Day: “If you saw 2 guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most?  I’d say Flippy, wouldn’t you?  You’d be wrong though.  It’s Hambone.” –Jack Handy

I told you Summerfest was perfect for people watching.  Little did I know that said people would be wearing ridiculous t-shirts.  For most of them I was just like WTF, but some were knuckle worthy cuz you know I enjoy a good t-shirt.

“I Beat Anorexia” –Worn by a fat old guy.  I thought this was hilarious at first but as a chick later came to my senses. 

“I’m Right 97% of the time – Who cares about the other 4%?”  –Points for cleverness and making me do a double take in my champagne stupor.

“At Least I Know Where I Got My Crabs From” –This was from some seafood restaurant shirt but still… really?

“I’m Not Fat, I’m Knocked Up” –Worn by a teenage girl.  Welcome to America.

“Southern By the Grace of God”–This was on a Lynryd Skynyrd t-shirt that was for sale and I wanted one.

“I’m Not Small, I’m Fun Sized” –Lame.  Especially since I’m 6’1″ and pretty much find short people annoying (sorry). 

“Green Shirts Are For Pimps” –(It was a green shirt, obviously)  Worn by a pale, pudgy teenager which is the reason it became funny.  But does he know that’s the reason it’s funny?  Kinda awkward.

And my ABSOLUTE favorite featured this (I am so glad I found the graphic on the internet because it would have been difficult to explain):

Things I Live For: Swearing; Watching Milton Bradley continue to fail

Quote of the Day: “Faith is believing what you know ain’t so.” –Mark Twain

Ahhhh my Chinese throwing star.  I acquired this about 15 years ago.  It was a typical Saturday afternoon; I was walking to Marigold Bowl with my brother and dad when a bright shiny object caught my eye.  What I picked up was this Chinese throwing star.  Well, when I picked it up I had no idea what it was.  My dad said it was a “Chinese throwing star,”my brother said something about it going well with the nun-chucks we had at home… and from then on I wanted to be in a Chinese (Asian?) gang. 

When I got home I put it in my marker/crayon box, where it stayed for the next 10 or so years.  (I wanted to put a string through the hole in it and wear it as a necklace but that was vetoed by the parents…)  A few years ago I was over at my parents looking through old junk and I re-discovered my favorite weapon. 

When people fuck with me, I threaten to use my Chinese throwing star against them, which is actually ridiculous because it is never on my person.  (It sounds pretty intimidating; forget that I wouldn’t know how to use it).  Rather, it sits on a bookshelf in my house.  I need to fashion a carrying case of sorts so I actually can take it out and use it as protection!  Although I feel I would be a little trigger happy with it so maybe it’s best it stays at home… (Also that pic is a close up, I would say it’s only about 2 inches across, but it is still very sharp!)

But what is a Chinese throwing star (because I still have no clue)?!  A Google search produced a way to make them (yikes) and some other sites about ninja-ing.  So forget being a pirate… maybe I’m destined to be a Chinese throwing star carrying ninja!

Pet Peeve of the Day: Hippies who leave their dogs in their cars during shows.  You’re not cool and chill because you brought “Kaya” or “Marley” to the show… you are an animal abuser. 

Quote of the Day: “So many things I would have done, but clouds got in my way.” –Joni Mitchell

(with a passion!)

I don’t fucking care that you forgot to take your umbrella to work and it is raining.

140 character limit would lead me to believe you would have to be witty or interesting to want to write something.  Not so, not so: “I am waiting for the train.  It is late.  @CTA I hate you.”

Everyone thinks they are witty and interesting because they have “followers.”  You know who else had followers?  Hitler.

The dumbing down of America continues.

“Tweet”?  Really?

You don’t know it because no one “@-ed” you on it but, you are awkward, socially inept, and pretty much lack the ability to relate to someone in real life.  And if you don’t now, wait for it.

As a writer, I loathe a world that has the attention span of one sentence; one INCOMPLETE sentence with BAD GRAMMAR.

I don’t want to be reduced to “@Esley.”

Why do I need updates on your “life” every hour?  The only person that may want inane updates is your grandma living 3 states away.  But guess what, she can’t use a computer.

And one reason I love it:

The confirmation of my belief through 140 simple characters that you are A) boring B) disgustingly self-involved C) a total shit’s piece D) all of the above.

Things I Live For: Making tapes; Eric Cartman

Quote of the Day: “I envy people who drink — at least they know what to blame everything on.” –Oscar Levant

FYI, How to Be Awesome will be taking Monday and Tuesday’s off for the month of July. 

Thank you for your continued readership!

(Update:  Apparently this was sprung on some readers too quick and they are demanding postings.  I’ll throw you a bonus post tomorrow but as for the rest of the month… you have been warned!)