I can’t say I have watched a lot of stand-up comedy in my day, but the ones I have seen are freakin’ hilarious.  Recently I was introduced to my new fave, Daniel Tosh (thanks Ronnie!)  Read about my fave five below:

1) Lisa Lampanelli: The self described “Queen of Mean.”  I first saw her on various Comedy Central roasts, then saw some of her stand-up.  She’s pretty hardcore… hardcore awesome!  She pretty much provided me with my tagline: “I am feminine as shit, bitch!”  Haha I love it, just says it all!

2) Daniel Tosh: Hilarity.  And pretty cute for a standup comic! (At 5:00 minutes is my fave part)

3) Mitch Hedberg: (R.I.P.) You already know about my love of Mitch Hedberg.

• “My roommate said to me, ‘I’m gonna go shave and use the shower; does anyone need to use the bathroom?’ It’s like some weird ass quiz where he reveals the answer first.”
• “I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.”
• “This shirt is ‘dry-clean only’…which means it’s dirty.”
• “I saw this commercial on late night TV, it was for this thing you attach to a garden hose, it was like ‘You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product.’ Who the fuck would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean. ‘I know you need water, but I’m gonna make you hard to reach! I will throw water at you. Hopefully they will invent a product before you shrivel and die! Think like a cactus!’ So it said, ‘You can have this product for four easy payments of 19.95.’ I want a product for three easy payments, and one fuckin’ complicated payment! We can’t tell you which one, but one of those payments is gonna be a bitch. The mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination; good luck, fucker! That last payments has to be paid in wampum!

4) Arj Barker: Shoe-seum… gets me every time. 

5) Steve Martin: A classic.

Things I Live For: Hissing at rude strangers; temporary tattoos

Quote of the Day: “I gave my cat a bath the other day… they love it.  He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me.  The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that…” –Steve Martin

Happy Father’s Day Dad!!

(Sorry I’m hanging out with a bunch of dirty hippies today instead of with you!)

“He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.” –Clarence Budington Kelland

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.  But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.” –Mark Twain

Thanks to Leggies for the heads up on this vid!

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I’m ready for Phish this weekend… ARE YOU?!

Pet Peeve of the Day: The Cubs lineup

Quote of the Day: “I wouldn’t know a steroid from a reefer.” — Sweet Sweet Lou

A lot of bloggers have what they call “guest posters” where someone who has blog A, posts a blog on blog B. I gather that this is supposed to increase readership of both blogs. Also, it’s a good way to throw a post up on your site when you don’t really have anything in mind for your blog. Since I don’t really know any bloggers that would want to do this (do I?!) I have decided to let some legendary reviews of a legendary t-shirt speak for my blog today. Please follow this link for my “guest post” and scroll down to read the reviews… You will not be disappointed! Also, a BIG shout out to Jimbo and Shanky for drawing my attention to this:

Get out your patchwork and patchouli: Phish is back in town after 5 long years!! (And by town I mean East Troy, Wisconsin, not Chi). So when I was a Phish follower in high school I made my own patchwork skirt. It was just large panels sewn together for a long skirt. Back then I had the help of my mom’s sewing machine and expertise.  Since I’ve been excited for this reunion for awhile now, I decided to make a new patchwork skirt.  Except this time it would consist of small square patches.

So I went to JoAnn Fabrics and picked out some awesome fabric, some thread, some needles, and an essential tomato shaped pin cushion.

Mind you, I do not own a sewing machine.  I do however own a lot of free time.  So I decided I would sew the entire skirt by hand (since I wanted to make a short skirt and not a long one).  I cut out 4×4 inch patches, vaguely arranged them into some sort of pattern, and got to work.  Below is my photo diary of the long process (if I added up all the hours of the days it took me I would estimate around 25 – 30 hours from cutting, pinning, sewing, yelling at Klinker, etc):

Cut up patches

Laying out strips

Progress

MANY hours later

Ready for dancin'!

Lots of thread

 I cannot begin to tell you how much thread I used.  My god.  But it is complete and I am quite happy with it.  It is not perfect by any means but I’m not a professional sewer…  I have a bunch leftover fabric as I grossly overestimated the amount I would need.  Maybe I will make little catnip pouches to thank Klinker for biting and tangling all the string I was trying to use.

Pet Peeve of the Day: Fake people