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I love sleeping more than anything.  Except lately, some people feel it necessary to tell me that sleeping is stupid and you can “sleep when you’re dead.” 

Ok, first of all, you fucking think I’m gonna SLEEP when I’m dead??  That’s why I’m sleeping so much down here!  I’ve got a lot of people and animals I’m waiting to see up there; the last thing I’m gonna want to do is sleep when I can reunite with people and pets I haven’t seen for decades.  And, I’m gonna come back and haunt all you fools who hate sleep, so you can enjoy your precious sleepless nights!  Plus, in the sleepimmediate presence of God, I am not going to want to appear lazy so sleeping all day will be out of the question.  So no, I cannot sleep when I’m dead.

Some people think getting 8 hours a night is out of the question whereas I like to get around 9 or 10 if I can (I am not a napper).  What is there to do that is so exciting that would necessitate my staying up into the middle of the night?  Even when I’m out drinking I know there is a time to go home– nothing good has EVER come of going to a 4 o’clock so I am happy to traipse home at 2. 

Plus, the health benefits I enjoy from getting my sleep are many.  I do not have dark circles under my eyes and scientists will tell you that I weigh less than the person who gets less than 8 hours a night.  When you get sleep, coffee isn’t a must but rather a pleasure.  I can enjoy my Venti coffee instead of sucking it down hoping it will perk me up.  I am not stressed and irritable but relaxed and well-rested. 

So to the people who scoff at the amount of hours I sleep, I say go back to bed and get a better attitude you crabby shit’s piece!

Things I Live For: U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald, grilled cheese

Quote of the Day: “Someone once asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” –Gloria Steinem

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