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The end of June always poses a problem for me; I venture into a drugstore looking for the perfect Father’s Day card.  Except, my dad doesn’t fish, fart, or play golf.  Further, he doesn’t attempt to fix things around the house only to break them even more.  Occasionally I find a card referring to baseball that is kind of clever, but that probably happens once every leap year.

So what’s a daughter to do?  Where is the card referencing the suit-wearing, intelligent, professional father?  Is it possible my dad is the only one to drink Martini’s and Manhattan’s at fine city establishments instead of burp-inducing beer whilst relaxing on a backyard hammock?  I know he’s one of a kind, but surely this can’t be true.

Why must all Father’s Day cards depict an antiquated caveman-esque father figure?  Are people’s father’s really the way Shoebox & American Greetings makes them appear?  These are the ones they make year after year though, so they must sell… A homemade card may seriously be the way to go when you take into consideration the utterly stupid cards available and the recession.

The feminist in me wants to say: “Haha men, this is the stereotype you get,” but then I think of my father and get angry at the discrepancy between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day cards.

Mother’s Day cards are all flowers & hearts, thanking them for a job well done raising the defiant teenager we all were.  Father’s Day cards are opened and display a message along the lines of: “I would have gotten you something more but I didn’t have enough money.  P.S. Can I have a raise in my allowance?”

They say parenting is a thankless job– for father’s that appears to be true.

Things I Live For: Nibbles coming in this weekend for Phish; Coupons

Quote of the Day:“My apartment is infested with koala bears.  It’s the cutest infestation ever.  Much better than cockroaches.  I turn the lights on and the koalas scatter.  I’m like, come back!  I want to hold one of you and feed you a leaf!” –Mitch Hedberg

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  1. Britt on 2009.06.16

    Father’s Day Cards are sooo hard to pick! Especially when you ask your dad about the kind of stuff he likes and he replies, “I would like peace in the house.” or something along those lines. I usually just get blank cards and write my own message inside. Or maybe I’ll just get a sculpture of a giant peace sign, put a bow on it, and set it in the living room. Mission accomplished?

  2. Es on 2009.06.16

    That’s a good idea Britt!

  3. stantly on 2009.06.16

    This is because our tainted media portrays men as lazy slobs instead of great leaders of their families. It further reduces the image of a tight family unit, and strips away masculinity.

    Maybe on Father’s Day I’ll just go up to my dad and say “Thanks Dad, for being the long arm of the law in our household and making me respect you and men in general, thereby giving me a firm foundation to decide the ways that I want my children to grow up by. No one coulda done it better pops.”

  4. Es on 2009.06.16

    Well said Stantly, well said indeed.

  5. Leggies on 2009.06.16

    Coming from someone who always felt closer to her daddy than her mother, I can complete relate to this entry (very well written by the way, Es). I usually resort to Britt’s idea, or do cross outs on an existing card and write my own things in. I have noticed that within the last few years, there has been more hype in the media for Father’s Day…but as I was reading through the sales and advertisements in the Trib yesterday, I realized that sadly it is not out of appreciation for all that fathers do, but rather a shameless marketing tactic. Disgusting!

    Regardless, I think it’s important to CELEBRATE Father’s Day with a fun activity that HE would enjoy. Afterall, as you said, mothers seem to get most of the attention and recognition. The least we can do is give fathers one stinkin day a year:)

  6. Daniela on 2009.06.16

    I hear ya…I just always end up going for the sweet I’ll always be your little girl kind of cards.

  7. dylan on 2009.06.16

    two things. 1, that quote is fucking hilarious and 2. apparently greg olsen and jay cutler were also on stage at some point, i read this in the review yesterday in the trib…..

  8. Es on 2009.06.16

    Yeah I saw that too. It sounded like they were on before the show even began though….??

  9. Elliott on 2009.06.17

    Dude: u sat next to me at the game on Friday and (1) I know ur name is not Elsie (2) I never did see Kenny’s tour bus. The good news is, Dylan is right: that is an “awesome” quote 😉

  10. Es on 2009.06.18

    Hahaha I know YOU know my name Elliott– you’re the one diamond amongst all those jokers out there! Thanks for checking out my blog!!!!!!! Definitely makes you way more awesome!

  11. Lucille on 2010.05.12

    This is awesome! My dad drinks martinis and stingers and also doesn’t have caveman qualities! I found your blog looking for jello shots, but I enjoy it immensely 🙂

  12. Es on 2010.05.13

    Thanks and welcome Lucille!

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