Thoughts on Vegas

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Last week I was in Las Vegas for the first time in my life.  And, most likely the last. 

I get that people go there because they feel they can let loose and have a good time.  But if you need to travel via airplane to feel that way, that’s the first problem.  I already know how to have a good time, get debaucherous and party like a crazy drunken rockstar (Hi mom!). 

Further, everything there is so ridiculously expensive, how can anyone relax and enjoy themselves?  The most expensive, ordinary item I can recall paying for while travelling was for a Coke in Venice sitting alongside the Grand Canal.  Something around 6 Euro for a tiny bottled Coke.  However, I was sitting in a cafe in Venice, on the Grand Canal, with a view of the Rialto vegasBridge.  That 6 Euro was beyond worth it.  Vegas?  I was going to go broke just trying to keep up with my bottled water habit.  And for what?  What view did I have, what culture was I experiencing, WHAT WAS THE POINT?

I feel like people who don’t know how to have their own fun go to Vegas.  Vegas is all about: “do this, it is fun, you will like it because that’s why everyone else in the world comes here.”  Well, actually no.  I don’t like what everyone else in the world likes, which seems to be gambling away money, watching third rate shows, and paying ridiculous prices for mundane shit to attain the illusion of being rich and important. 

The most exciting thing was being able to drink while walking down the street.  But that loses its luster very quickly considering it is 100+ degrees and you have to dodge a million illegal immigrants handing out flyers while wearing “Girls in your hotel room in 20 minutes or less” t-shirts.

I may be the only person to find Las Vegas incredibly boring.  I may also be the only person to have never gotten drunk there, despite my best efforts.

Well what about the free drinks you get while you gamble?  Oh, you mean the watered down Jack & Diets that I got every 45 minutes?  Yeah… those made it all worthwhile…  I’d gladly pay for a fucking drink while I gamble if it meant attentive service and stiff drinks.  Well drink beer you say?  Miller Lite.  WATERED DOWN BEER!  If I wanted to sit at the bar and do shots, that would have cost me more money than a months utilities bills.  No thanks. 

Why would I go to Vegas to party?  I can do that in Chicago, for way less money and way more fun.  (Read: fewer amateurs/tourists/people who vegas2think they are awesome b/c they are in Vegas and “anything goes.”) 

Why would I go to Vegas to see a show?  It’s called Broadway in Chicago and the Chicago Theater District for a reason. 

Why would I go to Vegas for the restaurants?  They had every chain restaurant known to man and while I’m sure some of the hotels have nice spots; the price and value surely doesn’t match the dining scene in Chicago.  The cab driver suggested Capital Grille and Maggiano’s… both chain restaurants, not native to Vegas.  Is anything here original? 

Why would I go to Vegas for high end shopping?  Michigan Avenue and Rush Street has all the high end retailers one could want.  Plus, the Chanel in Chicago would not allow you to walk in with an open can of beer… we have standards here. 

I think that’s the thing that pissed me off the most– Vegas is classless and disgusting yet everyone there thinks it’s a haven for the crème de la crème and they feel by just going there, they are part of that.  Perhaps that is Vegas’ greatest show.

So, would I go to Vegas again?  Maybe if I had a million dollars to blow.  But, if that were the case, I’d definitely find myself in Europe, not the middle of a desert.  What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas… THANK GOD. 

Other reasons I hate Las Vegas:

  • Newsflash, your city is in the desert.  IT IS DRY.  People are drinking.  Why is it impossible to get water here?  My contacts nearly dried up in my eyes.
  • Everywhere you go: Ding ding ding of slot machines.  Even at the airport. 
  • Smoking.  Everywhere.  As an ex-smoker I support ones right to smoke in a bar, not in every open space known to man, including but not limited to elevators. 
  • The whole if-you-don’t-have-fun-in-Vegas-you-must-suck attitude
  • The attitude that just because people are in Vegas they think they can act like assholes who don’t have to suffer consequences for outlandish behavior
  • Complete and utter disrespect of women

Things I Live For: The fact that everyone calls Biggie Biggie now; rally caps

Quote of the Day: “The person who does not enjoy his own company is usually right.” –Coco Chanel

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