05.27.2009

Job Search


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So, while this blog has been keeping me entertained, it’s simply not enough to fill my days.  Also, there’s that part about me being completely broke.  So I have been venturing on quite the little job search.  I have applied to places from CVS to Red Lobster to random Craigslist ads.  All I am looking for is a small job to make some extra cash this summer before I start school in the fall.  (Yeah, me and 60% of the world… I know.  This is why I’m keeping my options open and would willingly work at Red Lobster despite the fact that I’ve never been there and I hate seafood).

Basically I have thought about every business there is in the area, gone to their website, and submitted an application.  Many of these places however, have you complete a little questionnaire if you will, in addition to the application.  You are given numerous “statements” (sometimes as many as 80…) that you are to either strongly agree with, agree with, disagree with, or strongly disagree with.  I gather that this questionnaire is supposed to immediately weed out the unsavory individuals, but in these surveys I have noticed a pattern of redundancy, sheer stupidity, and questions where I ask “are you fucking kidding me?”

For example, this statement appears on 90% of the questionnaires I filled out: “Most people would steal if they thought they could get away with it.”  Huh?!  Does anyone REALLY put strongly agree??  It doesn’t get more obvious than this.  If anyone answers anything other than strongly disagree and subsequently gets hired, I need to know now because, “UNCLE!”

Then, there was the questionnaire I filled out for a part-time job at a cosmetics counter at a department store that will remain un-named.  I didn’t realize you had to be a fucking genius to aggressively spritz innocent passersby with perfume, but apparently you do.  The question I came to was this:

Pick the number that completes this sequence: 3 9 4 5 25 20 21 441

A) 436 B) 442 C) 430 D) 439 E) 454

I don’t remember what I picked, but I assure you it wasn’t the right answer.  I paused for a few seconds to think about it, then just clicked on whatever I felt like and went to the next question thinking, how the fuck did that question find its way in here?  But, the next question, AND THE NEXT TEN AFTER THAT were more sequence completion questions!  I was livid (and confused) at that point and just clicked on numbers to get through the survey.  I still don’t know what the answer is to the above question.  But guess what?  I DON’T CARE.  I have a college degree, I have held numerous jobs for lengthy periods of time, and I have worked on cases where millions of dollars are at stake… ALL WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT NUMBER COMES NEXT. 

As to the redundant questions, here is a sample of statements (all concurrent in the same survey), which I had to agree or disagree with, strongly or not:

  • I do tasks that I know need to be done without someone telling me
  • I take the initiative on completing tasks
  • I can work independently and don’t need to be told what to do
  • Upon arriving to work, I know what to do without my supervisor assigning me a task

And, I shit you not, there were literally about 10 more variations of this.  Hell, maybe I can just get a job as a human thesaurus to come up with a million different ways to ask the same thing.  The scary thing is, the majority of people probably respond differently to each of those questions.  The jokes on me though because those are the idiots that must get the jobs. 

So my job search will continue, (I mean, I’ve got spare time), but hopefully with better results and less questionnaires…

Pet Peeve of the Day: Chicago Bikers.  Ugh. 

Quote of the Day: “What you are speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

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