Shock me shock me shock me…  The Honorable Judge Zagel denied  dishonorable ex-Govenor Rod Blagojevich the opportunity to go to Costa Rica to film a reality show.  G-Rod is so far gone I truly believe he is the only one that did not see this coming.  The Honorable Zagel, in probably the most DUH statement of the year so far, said: “I don’t think this defendant, in all honesty… fully understands the position he finds himself in.”

I will say I was a bit intriguied by the show and, had G-Rod been allowed to participate, I probably would have watched.  Hell, we’ve been watching this train wreck all along in Chicago, why not watch the part just before he finally falls off the cliff?  Plus, my girl Janice Dickinson is scheduled to participate and if anyone could have put G-Rod in his place, she could have.  But now that task will now be up to Patrick Fitzgerald…  call me G.W. but is it too early to put up a “Mission Accomplished” sign??

Blago says that he desperately needed to be on this reality show in order to make money and “support his family.”  G-Rod, ever the “I’m one of you” Govenors said, upon being impeached, something along the lines of “I’m just like everyone else in this economy laid off from their jobs.”  If that were true, shouldn’t Blago be trying to get whatever job he can (read: McDonalds) instead of queuing up a reality show?  The saddest part of it all is that this guy is truly so delusional, he does consider himself as unfortunate as someone laid off their job of 30 years.  He will never see the connection in his actions to the current position he finds himself in…  Well, all I can say at this point is, at least the trial won’t be boring…

Pet Peeve of the Day: Wicker Park

Quote of the Day: “The wheel is turning and you can’t slow down – You can’t let go and you can’t hold on – You can’t go back and you can’t stand still – If the thunder don’t get you then the lightning will” –Grateful Dead

Fear that access to their precious guns could become limited has apparently provoked a huge spike in gun sales since Obama took office.  http://www.suntimes.com/news/politics/obama/1534373,CST-NWS-gunsales20.article.  Just what we need– a lot of fearful, paranoid people with guns readily available… 

I live for people who say “Guns don’t Kill people, People kill People.”  Actually, it would be a lot harder to kill someone if so many didn’t have access to a gun.  Just go find the statistics on homicides resulting from a gunshot versus a beating, stabbing, or strangulation.  I have a degree in criminal justice, I can tell you that the numbers aren’t pretty.  So yes, crazy people with guns kill people.  Now that I’d get that on a bumper sticker. 

I realize that many law abiding people own guns that they do not commit crimes with; they simply enjoy their right to bear arms.  But come on people, do you really think this is what our founding fathers had in mind?  The Bill of Rights was drafted in a far different time than 2009– are any of your elected officials wearing powdered wigs??  No, so why should you still have the right to bear arms?  The Bill of Rights basically defines the judicial process– what does this have to do with guns and gun control now?  Different time, different values, different problems. 

Guns scare me, but more than that, people adamantly in support of them scare me.  What does someone need a gun for?  A rifle for hunting, ok fine that may make sense.  A handgun?  Um, no.  “Well I have the right to protect my home and property!” they say.  Yeah… it’s called ADT broseph. 

Reading the above referenced Sun-Times article on the 10th anniversary of Columbine made it all the more compelling.  If those kids hadn’t had access to guns, students and teachers would still be alive.  Their pipe bombs failed, so they resorted to storming the school and shooting it up as a Plan B.  This is obviously an extreme example, but unfortunately, also a very relevant one given the shootings that are still taking place today in schools, stores, and churches.  And, if you’re living in Chicago:  how many CPS students have been shot dead this year??

I have never heard “having a gun saved my life” or “thank god I was packing heat.”  Until I hear a good, logical reason for owning a gun, I will continue to be extremely anti-gun.  To be clear though, I am also extremely anti-Michael Moore so don’t assume I have been brainwashed by that slob!

Things I Live For: Porch-sitting, Cubs curtain calls, being a cookie monster

Quote of the Day:  Jeremy Grey: I feel totally ridiculous. Like why do I have to be in camouflage? So the big bad quail doesn’t see me?
John Beckwith: I know. Why can’t we hunt something cool like a hawk or an eagle, something with some talons?
Jeremy Grey:That’d be awesome. We could get something like big game. Even like a gorilla or a rhinoceros or a fucking human being! That’ll get you jacked up.
John Beckwith: That’s a little heavy.
Jeremy Grey: I mean like, hunt a human being right now, “Most Dangerous Game”. Like a worthy adversary. Not a human being that’s armed, but a clever, a clever, human being who knows the jungle. Or the woods. –Wedding Crashers

For at least the past 7 years, I have enjoyed pirates and piracy in general.  When I say this, I mean it in its most primitive form—i.e. rum drinking, peg-legs, swashbucklers, plank-walking, pillaging and plundering.  I think my interest came from a combination of an awesome trucker hat I owned that was camouflage with a skull & crossbones on it and a newfound obsession with Jimmy Buffett. 

Recently, I was having a discussion about the Somali Pirates that have been so active lately, and it was brought to my attention that these are not true pirates.  Meaning, the actual definition of a pirate is: “One who robs at sea or plunders the land from the sea without commission from a sovereign nation.”  So, because these pirates have an allegiance to Somalia, they are not real pirates, like myself. 

A few years ago I was at a small town movie theater with my mom in Michigan.  The theater was located by a harbor leading out to Lake Michigan.  As we were entering, there was a sign with a Jolly Roger flag saying: Pirates and Piracy not allowed!  I was convinced that I couldn’t go see the movie because I was (am) a pirate, and was outraged at the nerve of their discrimination.  My mom assured me they meant people who record/bootleg the movies…  Oh!  Phew!  I figured since we were by the water where one could easily dock a pirate ship, they had to mean REAL pirates!   

In the last couple years, pirates have become very popular, thanks to me most likely, and movies such as Pirates of the Caribbean.  I was listening to WGN radio a few weeks back and heard about an interesting class being offered at the University of Chicago on Pirates.  It is an anthropology class that studies “traditional Caribbean pirates as well as contemporary software piracy and ‘pirates’ such as Bernard Madoff, who recently pleaded guilty to defrauding thousands of investors.”  http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/content/education/chi-talk-piratesmar18,0,3053082.story.  It’s times like this when I wish was back in college; what an awesome-sounding class!

So if you are interested in pirates and piracy you have a couple options:

1) Roll with me as I teach you a life of lawlessness, rum drinking, and parrot training;

2) Check out the Pirate exhibit at the Field Museum (through Oct. 25, http://www.fieldmuseum.org/pirates/index.html);

3)  Watch all the Pirates of the Caribbean movies (I think there are 3?);

4) Enroll in the University of Chicago’s Freshman incoming class of Fall 2009 (good luck with that);

5) Don a skull and cross bones anything so long as you didn’t purchase it from Hot Topic, Claire’s, Forever 21, Urban Outfitters, etc etc etc…

Pet Peeve of the Day: People who drink 40′s of Miller Lite.  Especially at bars, in brown paper bags.  You’re not hard, you’re just from Schaumburg. 

Quote of the Day: “Mother, Mother Ocean — after all these years I’ve found — my occupational hazard being, my occupation’s just not around” –Jimmy Buffett

P.S. Happy 4/20!

And watch “Eastbound & Down” on HBO.  Season 1 is currently on OnDemand.  It is a hilarious show about a washed up Major League pitcher, Kenny Powers, who returns to his hometown to teach gym at the local school.  Kenny Powers is an excellent example of awesomeness.  The series was just renewed for a second season, but those won’t be out until 2010…  Until then, bide your time with the 6 legendary episodes that already exist. http://www.hbo.com/eastboundanddown.  Also I would like to give a BIG shout out to Lobey for introducing me to the world of Kenny Powers!!  http://www.kennypowers.com/.